


I'll Mourn For A Kid (But Won't Cry For A King)

by isleofbirb



Series: The Avengers are gay, get over it (Pride month 2019) [12]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Tony Stark, Coming Out, Depression, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:57:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isleofbirb/pseuds/isleofbirb
Summary: Tony Stark has a lot of masks. Tony Stark also tells a lot of lies. Harmless ones, really, like "Yes, I got enough sleep", "Yes, I've eaten in the last 12 hours", and "I'm fine".





	I'll Mourn For A Kid (But Won't Cry For A King)

**Author's Note:**

> This one is kinda dark. So if you're triggered by depression, suicide, or mentions of childhood abuse, this fic is not for you.

Tony couldn't pinpoint the exact moment his life started falling apart. It could have been when his girlfriend, Pepper, broke up with him, because she decided that she couldn't deal with Tony being Iron Man. He didn't blame her, though, it was his fault anyway. It could have been much earlier, when he had gotten kidnapped by the Ten Rings. Hell, it could have been when he was four, and his father had disapproved of his first circuit board. He remembers crying to his mother, and she held him in the kitchen, drying his tears while hiding from Howard. Whatever, Tony couldn't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but that might be because his limbs have always been this heavy, he's always been this tired, and he's always wanted a way out.

"Tones?" A familiar voice called out to him from the entrance to his lab. "You alright?"

"Honeybear! I'm so glad to see you!" That was a lie. He can't remember the last time when the constant buzzing hadn't been inside his head, drowning out all emotions."I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," He waved off his friend. 

"Are you sure, Tony, because Friday tells me you haven't eaten since Monday."

"It's only Tuesday, Platypus, I'm fine," He gripped the table, trying not to wince when Rhodey mentions Friday. It's not that he doesn't like her, she's just a constant reminder of what he lost.

"Tony! It's Thursday!" His friend yells, frowning. Tony thinks for a minute.

"Alright, I'll come up to grab something in twenty, that sound good?" Not waiting for an answer, he pushed Rhodey to the exit. He waited until he was sure his friend was out of earshot.

"Friday, lock everyone out of my lab."

Needless to say, he did not go up in twenty minutes.

..............................................................................

He didn't even shudder as he looked in the mirror, a big accomplishment, really. He traced at his ribs that stuck out. It was unhealthy, he knew, but he just couldn't bring himself to care. He duly tried to remember the last time he cared about anything. He honestly couldn't think of a time he did. He also couldn't remember the last time he used paper for stuff apart from signing documents. But he knew that this was the type of thing he had to write down.

_Dear Rhodey,_

_I'm sorry. I really am. But we both knew I'd always end up like this. It was just a matter of time._

_I'm sorry for doing this. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for all the secrets I kept, telling you I was fine, I was happy. So I've decided that I should be completely honest with you. I'm bisexual. I hate myself. I can't remember the last time I was happy. And I used your toothbrush once at MIT, sorry._

_Please, don't be too upset. Please don't blame yourself. If there's one thing I'm tired of doing, it's causing others pain. Tell Pep I'm sorry, and that I love her. Tell her that it wasn't her fault. And please don't tell the Avengers or the press yet. I can't stand the thought of people mourning someone like me._

_I love you 3000,  
Tony Stark_

He looked at the pills in his hand, counted up to ten, and threw them in his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> Back on my bullshit of projecting, yay! 
> 
> I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow, so sorry if these stories start becoming less common.


End file.
